Law #7: Resistance – “Where you feel resistance, do research”Influencing and generating alignment with others takes getting curious about their purposes, concerns, and circumstances. All human beings have things they care about, things they worry about, and circumstances they are facing that shape how they show up to a given situation. When we perceive someone is unaware of or opposed to the things we care about, we tend to resist them and their point of view. If someone is resisting you, it’s time to (1) refresh your understanding of what matters to them and to you, and (2) get accurate about the stories we are telling ourselves and others. In this episode, we walk through the practical steps that can move a relationship that feels stuck and full of friction to one of understanding, alignment, and mutual respect. Insights from the episode:
- Resistance is infectious – doubling down on your view is not a helpful strategy for moving the relationship toward alignment
- Get curious: What are you for? What are they for? What feels like a threat to those things?
- Separate facts (things that are mutually observed and all parties would agree on) from explanations (the stories we tell to make sense of our experience)
Resources mentioned in the episode:
Overview of the 10 Laws of High-Performance Collaboration: Use this as a cheat sheet as you follow along with the series or practice the principles with your team
The Conversation Prep Chart: Use this worksheet to reflect on what matters to you and to those you want to improve alignment with, and reveal an intersection of interest that can drive a new conversation that moves the relationship forward
Overview of the Conversation Meter: An essential summary for quick reference on how to utilize the tool
The Bioreactive Styles Assessment
WATCH this episode on YouTube
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