logo_conversantlogo_conversantlogo_conversantlogo_conversant
  • About
    • Team
    • Join Us
  • Expertise
    • Alignment
    • Performance
    • Leadership
  • Services
    • Engagements
    • Coaching
    • Digital Methods
    • Credibility, Influence and Impact
  • Clients
    • Case Studies
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Blog
    • Videos
      • TEDxBoulder
    • Books
    • Tools
    • Community Gatherings
    • Presence Practice Library
  • Connect
✕

Is it so hard to pick up the phone?

Published by Mickey Connolly at November 15, 2013

Picking up the telephone can be key to creating a valuable conversation

The Case of Whoopi and Oprah

I heard Whoopi Goldberg interviewed on the radio today. There was a discussion about this long period of her life where she and Oprah Winfrey each thought the other hated them! It wasn’t until they found themselves at the same party and had a conversation that they realized that neither had a single issue with the other, it had all been other people’s opinion and gossip. Oprah said to Whoopi, “I wish I had just picked up the phone.”

The Problem with Email

This weekend I read an advice column in the newspaper. A person – “Jack” – wrote in to ask advice on how to handle a delicate situation with a group of friends. They were planning a group trip and one of the couples wanted to invite their adult children along.

The couple with adult children emailed the group to see what others thought. Jack hadn’t liked the idea and had written back that he “preferred that the children not come.”

The couple with children responded by asking, “do you not prefer or not want them to come?”

While it’s an interesting situation, what I liked the most about this advice piece is that the advice columnist suggested the writer close his computer and pick up the phone to resolve the situation.

Email has transformed my life. I was an early adopter and always get a lot done with email. I have also learned of the terrible waste that I can cause when I don’t use it properly.

And I now believe that while email has sped up many conversations, it’s also created a new way for people to say things that they shouldn’t and at the same time has prevented people from having the hard conversations in the most productive way.

How to Use Email and Text

Email is great for sharing information and coordinating action. It doesn’t require all parties to be present at the same time. However, it is a very sterile medium. Texting, while very efficient, is a more timely and essential form of email. It has less tone, less context and is superb for coordinating immediate action.

When to Pick Up the Phone

Today I attempt to practice the following rule of thumb:

Photo by George Reyes

Photo by George Reyes

The more difficult or complex the conversation, the more I need to engage the other person.

A phone call brings a lot to the conversation:

  • Tone of voice adds a lot to understanding someone’s meaning.
  • Connection. Most people have to start the conversation at least being civil with each other.
  • Reactions and the ability to adjust and resolve in the moment.
  • Social norms. It means something to hang up on someone. Social norms will often create a condition that has us stick around to get to a resolution.
  • Speed. Live conversation can resolve things quickly, email for anything difficult usually slows down the process and potentially creates damage along the way.

In person or via video calls add the ability to read body language and facial expressions. Both are very critical as the conversation gets more challenging!

I doubt Oprah and Whoopi could have successfully cleared up their issue via email or text, however a phone call would have resolved it in a few minutes!

Share
Mickey Connolly
Mickey Connolly

Related posts

May 14, 2025

Five Principles Of Authentic Team Feedback and Cross Functional Collaboration


Read more
April 14, 2025

What Drives Our Habitual Patterns? A Deep Look Into Underlying Sensations.


Read more
March 31, 2025

From Doer to Leader: Cultivating Trust in Your Team


Read more

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Conversant

  • About Us
  • Expertise
  • Services
  • Clients
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn

Resources

  • Community Gatherings
  • Presence Practice Library
  • Blog
  • Videos
  • Tools
  • Podcast

Books

  • The Vitality Imperative
  • The Communication Catalyst

Subscribe to our newsletters

Join
© 2024 Conversant Solutions, LLC. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy.
      We use cookies to personalize content and to provide you with an improved user experience. By continuing to browse this site you consent to the use of cookies. Please visit our Cookie Policy for further details. Accept
      Privacy & Cookies Policy

      Privacy Overview

      This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
      Necessary
      Always Enabled
      Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
      Non-necessary
      Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
      SAVE & ACCEPT